Physicists Prove That Vampires Could Not Exist

Posted by HAL9000 on May 8, 2009

Mark Strauss, io9.com: Two physicists have published an academic paper where they demonstrate, by virtue of geometric progression, that vampires could not exist, since they would almost immediately deplete their entire food supply (a.k.a, all of us).

If you’ve ever read Salem’s Lot (or seen the lame Starsky and Hutch-era miniseries adaptation starring David Soul), then you know that after a vampire decides to settle in your town, the undead begin to multiply at an alarming rate (he bites two friends, who bite two friends, and so on, and so on…).

Putting aside for a moment the issue of how that would impact neighborhood property values, this phenomenon raises an even more pressing question: If vampires are indeed living (unliving?) among us, then shouldn’t we have seen an undead population explosion by now?

Fortunately, our best minds are on the case. Physicists Costas Efthimiou and Sohang Gandhi’s paper “Cinema Fiction vs. Physics Reality” offers a full explanation.

Efthimiou and Gandhi conduct a thought experiment: Assume that the first vampire appeared on January 1, 1600. At that time, according to data available at the U.S. Census website, the global population was 536,870,911. Efthimiou and Gandhi calculate that, once the Nosferatu feeding frenzy began, the entire human race would have been wiped out by June 1602 (thus forever changing the course of history by preventing the invention of the slide rule eighteen years later).

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Posted in: Media, Pop Culture

http://grou.ps/vampirii kiema

Great reading, an impressive article.
jones

this isn't necessarily true, in not all vampier stories does being bitten mean you change.
i have not been won by your article.
vamp101

they are smart and prefer not to bite others for teritorial and feeding resons. don't you think that after 5,019yrs of existance a couincil would step up and say somthing so as not to alert the humans by the decreasing of their populations?
loraine

this is so not right. dont the scientists know that vampires arnt stupid? their careful about how much they eat…and only make vampires when nessasary, cause if they drink all the blood, then the human prey would fall dead, but if they left even the slightest of blood then they have the ability to turn onto vampires. and do they know that there is a proven FACT that there are vampires amoung us? in a studie of 32 years, 6 scientists have studied the life, death, and rebirth of vampires…and was proven real. if they are so sure about what they think…i would like to come over to my house…opps, they would not survive to tell everyone they made up their minds.
mogian

Humans do not change to vampires when bitten unless the vampire chosses to replace your DNA with it's own the only way to become a vampire when bitten acordding to most legends is for it to bite you replace some of your DNA that will then lie dormant in amongst your own until you die then the vampire DNA will refuse to let it's host die so take control so his theory is tottaly *POWNED*
ezekial grimm

your all retarded
D.P.

It are only propaganda that speak against the existence of Vampires…..
Question are though who are behind the propaganda???
that make one think…does it not?
and who would the propaganda serv the most??

Now think also on this if all humans do not know the reality of vampire existence most people would think
it would keep vampires safe right?? but if you think deeper on it it make vampires vunerable to hunters and if we would turn the table where vampires would come out as very real existence it could bring a safty net
for the vampires in that they would explain their existence for in this age where blood go on export an vampire would not need to kill and if that info would reach the population fear would go away + maybe
possibility of an coexistence of Vampires and humans could take form……plus make vampires more
safe….And yet there are problems thinking like this as well in that there always are fanatics out there and I'm sorry but I blame religion for that plus the risk are that humans would try to capture an vampire for experiments trying to find the source for life as I'm sure there are people out there who would pay a lot for
time….Just look at hollywood and all plastic surgery or the freezing of bodies…….So the question are
could Vampires & Humans ever coexist?? that question is hard to answer……But it seams that no matter
what way the Vampire are the one who would be damned…..non?? as in secret in risk of hunters but in the light the risk of an science experiment……..Maybe this all just sound like crap to you whom read this but
think on it awhile and then after you've done so can you tell me that this did not make some sense?
well it do make sense to me at least.
And last I do need to forgive if there are spelling or grammar errors in this post as I have a bit problem with
that.
This was what was on my mind and are now posted.
(oh and do not e-mail as I've posted a false one as I wish to remain anonymous)

D.P.
S.C.

A Human Who Is Bitten By a Vampire Will Not Nessisarily become a vampire. Not all Vampires Bite Humans Some Feed Off Of Animals Instead. For Example Not All Humans Eat Animals Some Are Vegetarians. U cannot Prove That Something Doesn't Exist Its Just Not Possible.
Luisagtg

I think vampires can exist. What you are advocating does not prove anything, because the vampires don't turns its victims to eat them, he kills them. And today, more than 1,000 people are murdered in our society. That is, the arguments used by you are useless.
Lu*@!

I agree with you. Exelent comment! Congratulations.
Lu*@!

I agree with you. Exelent comment! Congratulations.
Neopetdavid

I am sorry but how do you know exactly vampyre or Strigoii Vef’ry drink blood? maybe they exist without food and only negative energy (: I have done research that actually could prove them to be real do not think that humans are the only thing out there (: silly gooses

Physicists Prove That Vampires Could Not Exist

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