Dare to snicker. Dare to sin.
~ ~ Yippie MauMau, 1979

I'd go down on a leper if I thought it would end the Viet Nam war.
~ ~ Mick Jagger, 1968

Tell-me-what-you-want-what-you-really-really-want.
~ ~ Linda Tripp, 1997

1) Jokes That Come True
2) I Started a Joke?
3) The Ultimate Hack

Jokes That Come True

Now that so many of you are on board The Revolution®'s bandwagon (I was shocked at the response!), questions must be asked. For instance, how do we WIN this thing before those of us with short attention spans (have I left anybody out, here?) discover that there are newer ways of blowing up post-toasties on the web and decide that something else would be a more fruitful expenditure of spare time than The Revolution®? After all, web time is fast, fast, fast. And political change is slow, slow, slow - like molasses running down a glacier. But we can score media victories long before we score political victories. The culture is there to be captured, and offers precious little resistance. A political party that's progressive and fun stands a real good chance of occupying a place that's almost orthogonal to politics.

Americans in the Nineties don't have the political language to advocate their own desires. "It ain't nobody's business if I do" is an excepted posture of culture but not of politics. Culture is vulgar, sexy, and wild. People don't know how to politically defend their enjoyment of hip hop, Tarantino, Viagra, marijuana, and South Park, but they vote their opposition to fundamentalist cultural ayotallahs day in and day out with their dollars and their remotes. That earlier revolution, the revolution of the '60s, had many faults. But the genius of the hip Left sixties was that it resolved the tension between altruism and desire by enclosing the erotic, the atavistic, and the visionary within a philosophy of humanism, unifying the personal and political under an ideal of liberation. By projecting a Party that's having a party, a party at play in the media apocalypse, we can seduce the alienated, irreverent, unregistered, and unbelievable into joining together with us, and while they're seduced, we can steal their undies and design a new American flag, forged not in toil, blood, sweat and tears but soiled by the juices which leak forth from a noveau body politic confused and yet striving toward pubescence and thinking of Leonardo DiCaprio.

Yessiree, Bob Dobbs, The Revolution® is a cultural crowd pleaser. Just think how asexual the Republicans are, and the Democrats -- even if they are a randier bunch -- are gonna keep that shit WAY under wraps from now on. They've learned their lessons with this Peckergate stuff. The Revolution® is, I will state it here without reservation (and crossing my fingers that one of Jerry Springer's producers is reading this now): The Revolution® is a party that FUCKS.

I mean if there's a slim chance of getting laid, why bother with politics?

It is in this spirit of The Revolution®, a Party (or party?) dedicated to fun and fifteen points that we add to our already overabundant reserve of agitprop BS the following slogan that is bound to resonate down the ages only to be perverted and used for mass slaughter by some victorious guerrilla leader who was educated at the Sorbonne:

Slackers, Misfits, FREAKS and Non-Voters of the Nation, Unite and Register to Vote THE REVOLUTION®.

You have nothing to lose, except maybe about a week wasted in jury duty.

I Started a Joke?

Is there the risk that the mainstream media will treat this like a joke, just another Pat Paulsen, Pigasus or Harold Stassen? No, it's not a risk. It's an absolute certainty, if they decide to treat it at all. The fact that Trent Lott is just as silly as we are, and even has a funny name himself, will not be noted even though he's like a Senate guy or the Ambassador to Luxembourg or something, isn't he? Well, whatever . . .

But nevermind the mainstream media (and the bollocks, of course). We've got the net, zines, college radio stations, talk radio, and the secret access codes to the Artificial Intelligence known as (H)Al Gore, who will drop out of the race suddenly, renouncing the physical life and dedicating himself to a life of Ketamine injections, communicating with dolphins and spirulina.

So if you're with us, really-really-with-us, it's git bizzy time. I mean, if we could just get you all to phone the Art Bell show every single night talking up THE REVOLUTION® (with humor, skill and most of all subtlety -just manage to work it in there without announcing it too much) we'd have millions of deluded dupes . . . er . . . we'd have millions of um? fine, upstanding individuals who are inclined to question official reality and hopefully will be alive to vote, provided that no comets appear in the sky with some mysterious dot trailing along beside it, an obvious inducement to move to the next level in your Nikes and why in hell didn't I think of that first?

The Ultimate Hack

Yes, we can get really far as cultural comedians with a political agenda. But when it comes down to hard politics time, we're gonna have to show that it's actually possible to do better than Clintonoid centrism or the latest flavor of Republicanism that's more Mussolini than Lincoln (or Reagan for that matter). And while I haven't crunched the numbers that would result from relieving the entire middle class (as well as the poor, obviously) from their income tax burden while improving social services (And did I even mention universal health care? That's later, but Viagra WILL be covered), but I can tell you that even with heavy sin taxes, the end of corporate welfare, and a 50% reduction in military expenditures, we're looking at some heavy budgetary squeezing to make it all fit.

So don't tell anybody just yet, but the ultimate way to win this thing is to try to hack the economic system, the control of, meaning, and perception of MONEY. Can a non-inflationary, post-scarcity money system be engineered? In a brilliant book called Debt Crisis, banker Jacques S. Jaikaran explains how money is manufactured out of thin air by the bankers who are licensed to do so, and how all money that is created in this system is created in debt. In other words, nearly every cent put into the system accumulates interest, so there is always more debt than there is money in the system. MONDO 2000 publisher Queen Mu has termed this system "original debt" and we are all of us born unto it . . . say Amen! Jaikaran suggests the creation of debt free money under the control of the treasury, but his is only one of many ideas for turning money into a more profitable hallucination.

More on Debt Virus next month (I have to finish reading the damn book ok?) but people should start thinking about hacking the economic system by the year 2000. Other than that, hope you all have fun fun fun all summer in the hot bakin' global warming sun 'til your daddies take your T-Birds away.

As one of the Beach Boys once put it, "Charlie, take your girls and get the fuck outta here!"

JOIN THE REVOLUTION® at http://www.revolting.com.