"Ladies and gentlemen of the press, of planet Earth," he said, "for the past three months we have been subjected to all sorts of humiliation for your entertainment. Life no longer imitates art. The two have become inseparable. We came here to help mankind with the fruits of our superior intellects, but were publicly crucified in a manner you would not wish on your worst enemy. The biggest punishment any man can receive is the loss of his dignity. The most harmful thing you can do to a man is ridicule him in front of the mob. And yet we thank you. The past three months just made us wake up to what our entire lives have been like. Thank you, America -- thank you, people of the world."

Henry moaned, growing pale under his sunburn, cringing.

Lovins went to Henry, took him by the arm, and dragged him back in front of the cameras.

The crowds on the TV screens stared back at them, seemingly mesmerized, as if sensing that some big freak-out, like a public suicide, was coming.

"Don't worry, Henry." Lovins called out, "Our producer's worried!" He laughed, then said quietly, "You'll get your big invention. And today you'll even make television history."

He turned back to the cameras. "Despite the ridicule we received, we decided to pool our resources nonetheless and solve mankind's biggest problem. Ecce deus ex machina!"

Groucho pulled the sheet off of the device, letting it breathe. It stood, grotesquely shaped, gleaming in the sun. "This," said Groucho, "is our miraculous invention. When you hear what it does, and how simple it is, you'll think, why didn't anybody think of this before? This part here -- you might want to cut to a zoom or something -- this part here contains a biological toxin, a virus that can actually reproduce by itself until it finds bacteria present in human bodies, at which time the reproduction rate goes wild. This part here is an anti-gravity device that enables our invention to fly through the air without fuel forever, perpetually spraying the world with the virus. And this part here is the distributing device."

The crowds on the TVs stirred, milling around, anxious and confused.

Henry began to perk up. So these guys were serious lunatics! What great television!

"This is great, guys," he said, winking at the cameras, "so when is launch time? Because I don't think we'll be able to let you fly this thing. Somebody could get hurt."

The world laughed at his joke. Henry laughed, too, releasing all of his pressure. He motioned the security guys to come forward and put the nuts under arrest until the proper authorities arrived. This was great television. He kept on laughing.

Lovins, laughing with him, said, "Okay, but we already launched ten of our devices hours ago. Right now they're flying over each of these ten cities you see on the TV screens."

Henry stopped laughing as if somebody had punched him in the stomach.

"What did you say?"

Lovins' eyes were shooting beams of light. He addressed the cameras, spreading his arms and saying, "I said we were going to solve the world's biggest problem. You."

Groucho looked at his watch. "It's showtime!"

"Goodbye, Illuminati," said Willard.

"I will enjoy excavating your ruins," said Chandler.

On the TV screens, the hundreds of thousands began to die, without drama, simply collapsing to the ground where they stood. Waves of people started running, but fell promptly. The great scythe of death mowed them down rank after rank, until the screens showed streets and public squares carpeted with the dead.

On the island, the crew, the reporters and the models were scattering, screaming.

"Now that's entertainment," said Groucho.

"Don't worry about paying us the million bucks," Willard called after them.

"We don't want it."

"We make reality happen," said Lovins, winking at Henry. Then he noticed the crew and reporters running around. "Oh, I almost forgot." He turned a nozzle on the invention's demo model, and the people dropped dead onto the sand.

"What about me?" said Henry, patting himself, laughing hysterically. "Am I immune or something? Shouldn't I be dead?"

"Hell, no!" said Lovins. "You're one of us!"

"We gave you and those twenty-three beautiful Eves who just ran into the jungle the antidote already," Groucho told him. "We slipped it into your coffee this morning. As for the girls, we simply gave them some hastily manufactured valium at the crew party last night and cut it with the antidote." He shrugged. "Somebody's got to keep the human race going."

"I'm one of you," Henry said, still laughing, tears rolling down his cheeks.

"Of course you are! Who's more obsessive and compulsive than you, Henry?"