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take 'em out in one shot: ted nugent's cartoon hunting and narcissism by Viki Reed (divilo@pacbell.net) - June. 17, 2002 |
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| No one would deny that the meat industries in our country are a vile nightmare. Since most of Ted's fans can't and don't raise or slaughter their own poultry, why not spend time trying to reform the meat industries? Why harp on Ozzy's drug use history when he could be talking about how free-range chickens are not even legally defined by the FDA across the nation and even if they were, why can't this saner and healthier attitude towards the biz cost as much as a Foster Farms family package? Free-range chicken is $3-5 more a lb. Where's his outrage for the working class who deserves a healthier protein based lifestyle in the real world now? Nuge English As for the Nuge's use of English; Howard Stern and crew accurately noted that Ted pointedly extends monosyllabic words with drama to give them the appearance of importance. He throws in commonly used multi-syllabic words-the same ones again and again from one appearance to the next. Maybe because he's robotically pitching his agenda, maybe because he just doesn't have a facility with English on that level. Ted's popularity with Republican's in Right Wing Places is of no surprise. He's not winning over these folks, he has a great bloody fanatical band of followers who hear and read him everywhere he can register his big idiotic mouth. Politicians adopt him and they get all the Nugentites by rote. Rush Limbaugh is the same sort of iconic commodity; Rush was deaf and doing his radio show and hardly a rating burped. While there is something laudable about his grassroots efforts, he's shooting in the air without a target and his ammo is landing on innocent victims. Doubtlessly, he's more in touch with the planet that most Yankee consumers. Still, isn't there a better way to serve the planet other than a redneck unusable cook book that will maybe be a collectable on EBay in 45 years if EBay is still around? Quality of Life Upgrade Nugent rhapsodizes about fav game meals like, wild boar-venison combination kielbasa; folks who like kielbasa, like Polaks, like me, we don't dig wild boar venison in the mix. And for someone who is admittedly on the road most of the year, what does he do then? Does he import his forestry menu frozen a la delivered Zone Diet courses? Or does he order a thick steak from room service? A seafood feast at a fine restaurant? Nugent is a multi millionaire-surely he's not restricted to the menu that most of his 'fans' are: Dennys, Carl's Jr, Burger King, McDonalds, Arby's, KFC? Nugent says provocatively, "Now, has mankind become fat? " as if he's the first genius to come to this. For all his wild game infatuation, he doesn't seem to use his fame to highlight the plight of Native Americans, who live in lands that have been stripped of wild huntable life and who are chronically obese, with huge numbers of diabetics at younger and younger ages . . . who have disproportionate numbers of dialysis patients when compared to the entire rest of the nation? What's good old Uncle Ted done about the most senior residents of our continent with regards to their diet and habitat? Another Nugent nugget: "A quality of life upgrade is available to each and every one of you. It should give you a quality of life upgrade, which means no drugs, no alcohol, no fast food -- unless, of course, it's a mallard." Does he mean 'canard?' He refuses to confess that most of his fans are so far from the 'opportunities' he speaks of, the discipline he crows about, or the desire to do as he says outside the air fist punching that he elicits from them? Hack Writer Talk about a hack: he says, " I write for over 50 publications now. My writings are, you know, I am a goofball, I am the Motor City Madman, I scare white people with my guitar, yet even I, old lowly guitar player from the streets of Motown, have figured out that the quality of your enjoyment, your quality of life overall is going to be based upon a desire to maximize your level of awareness, to be aware of the honest cause and effect of your daily activities. " He can't write, he admits it, he's proud of his non-professional and undisciplined efforts to become professional as a writer despite having the gift of 50 markets for his trumpet of shit. He thinks he scares people with his guitar? “Cat Scratch Fever” is the only song of his I can remotely recall and I grew up when he was most famous as a musician, not a spokes-model for self. Even then, I can only recall the refrain. The gall of Nugent continues: "I think the success of The Osbournes as a TV show is an indictment of the soullessness of mankind. Now, I'm just a guitar player, but when I see a train wreck, I don't look at it and laugh -- I try to save injured people." Indictment of soullessness? Is he serious? "I'm just a guitar player" . . . with 50 pub markets, a radio show, a TV show, TV appearances, concert dates, several charity orgs and a big flabby mouth . . . Indictment of soullessness? Didn't the interviewer think to ask him to alliterate of that? It's the most inane gas bag generalization I've heard since a White House briefing. The Osbournes II: American Family The Osbournes depict a self-aware, self-obsessed, fun family who know each other well and who don't step outside the lines any more than any suburban family . . . despite their millions of bucks and no need to work legacy. The reason they appeal to the country is because despite their wealth they are exactly like most normal families. They're imperfect with a huge sense of humor, an ongoing vigilance with child rearing that accepts the inevitability of experimentation. Dad quit smoking so now he sits around and draws and bitches about dog shit. Mom doesn't want to cook and is a prima donna and a ground level wise ass who doesn't care what anyone thinks. Jack is a misfit who plays GI Joe much later than most adolescent boys do. Kelly is a princess who gets her way but has a place in her daddy's heart and still does mostly the right thing. They don't take their privilege for granted these kids, they use it. They do what you can get away with in our culture. I knew the granddaughter of one of the most powerful movie execs in town. She chose to take 'the high road' and not use her family to get ahead in entertainment . . . but she took the BMW, the condo, the decorator, the clothing allowance, the handed down high gloss mag writing jobs, the role of buying coffee and bailing out poor friends without asking for it back . . . She went almost nowhere with her career as a result. She went further than most, but she had the power to exploit it and be truly creative and go for what she could, based on what she was born into. That's what Ozzy's kids do. Even his eldest, who isn't in the MTV series, is a musician and no doubt using her dad's name for that effort. |
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