Did you ever consider the possibility that YOUR penis -- and in the case of many dignified ladies, THE size of THE TITTIES themselves -- might provide elements of SUBCONSCIOUS TENSION? weird, twisted anxieties that could force a human to have to become a POLITICIAN, a POLICEMAN, a JESUIT MONK, a ROCK 'N ROLL GUITAR PLAYER, a WINO, you name it . . .

In light of this, the sexual content in Zappa's songs should not be regarded merely as crude humor. Or perhaps we should never even regard any "crude humor" as MERELY crude humor. The human body is important and it should not be ignored out of politeness. Zappa's interest in the human body is also manifest in the composed instrumental music itself: the recurring flatulent horns, samples of his nephew's belching which was used extensively on Zappa's last live tour (1988), the orgasmic moaning and shrieking on the studio recording of "The Torture Never Stops" and throughout the catalog, the guitar solos that conjure images of digestion and wet copulation.

For Zappa, our embarrassment at simply the mention of a NECESSARY behavior reveals the unfreedom rampant in at least American culture. Keep in mind that the same social force that keeps "dirty language" relatively private also prevents crucial biological and sexual information from reaching children and young people.

Counterpoint: Zappa the Reactionary Asswipe

Despite the effort of some cultural analyses to connect Zappa's work with some of the more radical artistic/political and socio-sexual thought of the 20th century, the fact remains that Zappa himself espoused an often mainstream, if not sometimes reactionary, worldview. Throughout much of his career, he encouraged audiences to register to vote -- a campaign you would expect championed by your high school principal, not a gadfly radical. In the 1980s while railing against the proposed labeling of 'naughty' pop records by Tipper Gore and the Parental Music Resource Center, Zappa also contributed money to the Democratic Party.

"Practical Conservative" poorly describes Zappa's social libertinism, but is dead-on in reference to his stated opinions on economics. Zappa condemned all unions. The condemnation, however, did not resemble an anarchist critique of work and (therefore) trade unionism, but was based on his personal frustration with unions during his efforts to have his orchestral scores performed by large ensembles like the London Symphony Orchestra. Songs like "Stick Together" and "Yo Cats" attack unions from this perspective. "I would like to see more honesty in business--at both ends of the table" he states in The Real Frank Zappa Book. [5] Such a point of view, also utilized by anyone running for office in the U.S., sidesteps any important questions about why "dishonesty" (exploitation) is rewarded. Perchance could it be germane to our economic system, Mr. Zappa?

Another curious position Zappa held might deserve further consideration: the infiltration of the military, a suggestion he first proposed during the Flower Power years at which time it was quickly dismissed by the Left. He argues that the Christian Right had benefited greatly when the brethren increased their numbers in law schools and local school boards, so why shouldn't the Left or other presumably progressive types not do the same? ". . . the military is something that is never going to be dismantled as long as people are in their current state of evolutionary development," Zappa said.

. . . I like to see people who are not bullshit people in positions where they make decisions. People who have more of a long-range view. you need people in every profession, and the military is a profession, who have a long-range view. What is today's little action going to mean twenty-five years down the road? And why are we doing it? Is Grenada really necessary? Is Central America really necessary? Is Angola really necessary? What are we really doing? That's what I mean by telling people to go into the military.
~~ Frank Zappa to interviewer Bob Marshall

Such a suggestion is utterly practical AND conservative. (A kinder, gentler military? We won't be smashing the military any time soon, so why not set it up to wither away? Wait a minute! That sound a bit Marxist to you? Someone call Ben Watson!) But Zappa's advice seems to ignore the pressures of a consensus mindset in any large group. Indeed, this is always the danger for the subversive; that which you aim to subvert may end up subverting you. The pacifist infiltrating the military may become a militarist before you can say Hotcha! But perhaps those wise to the techniques of conscious psychological reprogramming might be immune to such phenomena. (Any Disinfonauts ready to take Zappa up on the challenge? Perhaps it's best not to.)

To be fair, this representation only singles out Zappa's politically dull side. Perusing his statements in the endless interviews he agreed to betrays a high degree of cultural sensitivity and progressive social thought. It bears repeating however, that Zappa's (or any artist's or any human's) stated views are not necessarily analgous to his creative products or role in society.

President Zappa: Life in a Alternate Timescape

The present day composer refuses to die, but sometimes s/he can get burned out. There are signs that Zappa may have been reaching that point. In the last decade of his life the much of his musical output consisted of live albums or albums heavily padded with (sometimes less than) alternate versions of songs already years old, such as The Best You Never Heard in Your Life, Does Humor Belong in Music?, Make a Jazz Noise Here, etc. (the notable exception being the posthumously-released compositional monster Civilization Phaze III). At this same time, Zappa's political presence expanded incredibly: the PMRC Hearings; appearances at pro-choice rallies; the already-mentioned voter registration drives and campaign contributions; and the proposal for Night School, a television show the corporate media would never let off the ground [6]; Zappa's brief, unofficial role as advisor-diplomat to Czech president Vaclav Havel. Copies of Zappa's records smuggled into Eastern Europe in the 1960s and 1970s greatly inspired Havel and many of his cronies in their dissension. So unpopular was Zappa's music with the Communist administration that the secret police had a saying: they would "beat the Zappa music out of you." For a time after the opening of the markets, Zappa had a fruitful relationship with Havel, who was also a rock musician. Havel, who incidentally ordered tanks to take to the streets in Prague during the September 2000 anti-globalization protests, was ready to appoint Zappa as the official diplomatic liaison between the US and Czechoslovakia, but pressure from the Bush administration apparently nixed this plan. Zappa the Absurdist, the composer of vulgar rock tunes, in an official governmental role?