I just have to sigh. Yet another idea I had for a book has been done by somebody else. I must say, though, that Drew Campbell did an excellent job in creating this etiquette guide for leatherpeople, queers, polyamorists, gender heretics, and various other sex radicals.

It's definitely a book whose time has come. While it may not be as useful in the Midwest (or the Mideast, for that matter), there are certainly areas where people need to know the written forms of address for same-sex couples, foursomes, and High Priestesses of Wiccan covens. Or how to tell if someone wearing a bondage collar is really into the scene or just a fashion victim. Or how to respond if you're a sex worker and someone asks you what your line of work is. Or what to wear to commitment ceremonies.

Campbell answers hundreds of such questions, covering a huge range of concerns, including introductions, invitations, visits, flirting, dating, interacting with normals, social events (parties, reunions), and rites of passage (births, marriages, and deaths). With candor and wit, he addresses such faux pas-prone situations as introducing multiple partners at a gathering, broaching the topic of radical sex with a partner, coming out of the closet, shopping for clothes when you're a butch-dyke or a gender-crosser, correcting people who misinterpret your gender, meeting someone who has changed gender since the last time you saw him/her, informing someone of a third party's HIV status, dealing with your spouse's annoying lover, handling nosy or disrespectful people, letting people know it was just a one-night stand, turning down sexual advances, ending an SM relationship, and writing a condolence letter to someone whose partner dies of AIDS. Some of the general advice on dating, swearing, disagreeing politely, and similar topics apply to everyone, while other questions are for nonmainstream people who aren't necessarily sex radicals, such as pagans, fat people, body modifiers, and even people who smoke marijuana for medicinal purposes.

Other questions include:

"How does one flirt with someone whose orientation, kinks, or relationship status isn't clear?"

"Why do so many lesbians have goofy names?"

"Is it appropriate to look into a dominant's eyes when being introduced?"

"How do I politely inform people that I haven't seen for a while that my orientation has changed?"

"Is it acceptable to acknowledge a sex worker you've previously hired when you meet him in a social setting?"

"How do I discourage someone from divulging embarrassing information about themselves to me?"

"What's the difference between a sex party and a sex club? If I go to a sex event, can I just watch?"

These are the situations that Miss Manners never dreamed of. Emily Post would get the vapors when being asked such questions. Luckily, Drew Campbell--a sex writer and editor living in San Francisco who has had to deal with many of the concerns he addresses--has taken up the mantle, helping us mind our manners in the polymorphously perverse new century.

The views expressed above represent the writer and not necessarily those of The Disinformation Company Ltd.