Miami Is Most Miserable City In U.S.
For those Americans who think that escaping the frigid climes of the northern states for sunny Florida is the path to happiness, think again (about Miami at least). Reuters reports:
Warm sun, white beaches, and million-dollar mansions notwithstanding, Miami has captured the dubious distinction of being the most miserable city in the United States, according to a new poll.
Photo: UpstateNYer (CC)
The playground of the rich and famous is home to a crippling housing crisis, one of the highest crime rates in the country, and lengthy daily commutes for workers, all of which have propelled it to the No. 1 position in the Forbes.com list.
“Miami has sun and beautiful weather but other things make people miserable. You have this two-tier society: glitzy South Beach attracts celebrities, but the income inequality has skyrocketed in recent years,” explained Forbes Senior Editor Kurt Badenhausen.
The rankings are based on factors including jobless rates, violent crime, foreclosures, income…
Image Of Virgin Mary Appears At Florida Hamburger Restaurant
If the Virgin Mary really did materialize in this amazing-sounding restaurant, I think I might be open to Christianity. Report from the Tampa Bay Observer:
Now the Virgin Mary’s likeness has popped up on a stainless steel wall inside Hamburger Mary’s, an Ybor City restaurant with customers more likely to show up for gay karaoke nights and celebrity drag-queen shows than religious revelations.
“These two ladies in one of the booths saw the image during Sunday brunch,” said day manager Melanie Todd, who goes by the name Melanie Minyon (pronounced like mignon) when performing in blue wigs and over-the-top sexy gowns at the restaurant’s nighttime drag shows. “One of them was in tears she was so moved, and they were both carrying on and taking pictures.
“Now, we serve all-you-can-drink Bloody Marys for Sunday brunch,” Todd said, “so I think it’s safe to say there are lots of visions being seen around here…
Clean-Shaven, Severed Leg Washes Ashore In St. Petersburg, Florida
The beachfront find raises a host of questions. Why shave your leg if it’s going to be cut off? Or, why shave a severed leg if you’re going to toss it into the ocean? For what it’s worth, this area also saw multiple brutal attacks by people who believed themselves to be vampires in 2011. The Tampa Bay Times reports:
Police continued a search for clues Wednesday in a mystery that began Tuesday morning when Canadian tourists found a severed human leg behind a waterfront home. The leg washed ashore near the Bay Vista Recreation Center. Police believe it was in the water for a day or two. They believe it was a right leg that may have belonged to an overweight white female who was dismembered.
Two marine units on Wednesday searched waters from Tierra Verde to the Tropical Shores area, said St. Petersburg police spokesman Mike Puetz. Officers did not find any…
Hemp Activists and “Truthers” Unite
Via the Bob Tuskin Radio Show:
After 11 years, the Florida Hemp Fest is back with a new twist.
Dennis “Murli” Watkins, who served four months of jail time for orchestrating a “doobie toss” at the event in 1994, is bringing back what used to be an annual celebration of marijuana and a protest for its legalization. —Gainesville Sun
Murli just so happens to be a supporter of the “truth.” When we were contacted by him to set up a table and to give a talk on various topics such as the Federal Reserve, fluoride, and 9/11 we gladly accepted.
Watkins said this year’s edition will touch on other, even more controversial issues than legalizing pot. “Hemp has been cultivated for thousands of years. Here it is almost 2012, and we’re still fighting this same stupid battle,” he said. “9/11 was an inside job and they’re worried about someone smoking a doobie. They’ve got to get their priorities in…
You Can No Longer (Legally) Have Sex with Animals in Florida
Matthew Hendley writes in the Broward-Palm Beach New Times:
… Senate Bill 344, which bans “sexual contact” and “sexual conduct” with animals, goes into effect on Saturday [October 1].
Unfortunately for animal sexers, several people have faced charges in Florida after being caught fornicating with fauna; however, we couldn’t find a case of anyone being convicted. Police say Eugene Hickman, a 54-year-old DeFuniak Springs resident, was arrested in June after his grandson walked into a bedroom and saw him naked on top of the family bulldog, attempting to have sex with it.
According to the Walton County Clerk, Hickman is scheduled to go to trial in November on an animal cruelty charge as well as a charge of lewd and lascivious exhibition charge for allegedly doing the deed in front of the kid … Still, State Sen. Nan Rich’s bill banning sex with animals didn’t pass until her third attempt because legislators were…
Woman Mauls Elderly Man In Another Gulf Coast Vampire Attack
In a brutal incident reminiscent of one in Houston three weeks ago, a wheelchair-bound Florida man taking shelter from a storm had part of his face eaten off at an abandoned Hooters restaurant by a young woman claiming to be a vampire. Someone once told me that Pensacola is one of the worst places on Earth, and I’m starting to understand why. Via ABC Action News:
A St. Petersburg man who had dozed off in his motorized wheelchair woke up to find himself being attacked by a woman, according to police. Morton Ellis, 69, said he fell asleep after parking his wheelchair on the porch of a vacant Hooters to escape the rain.
He said the woman, 22-year-old Josephine Rebecca Smith, told him she was a vampire as she bit off chunks of his face and part of his lip.
Ellis managed to fend her off and called police. Officers found Smith at…
An Epitaph for the American Dream
Photo: Reckon (CC)
Via Modern Mythology:
(Update: Since writing this entry, I recently discovered a Mother Jones article informing me that the Republican/Tea Party Governor of Florida, Rick Scott, founded a company called SOLANTIC that specializes in drug testing, among other “public services” … Could it be that this legislation stands to benefit the people who are passing it financially? Hrmm … Jigsaw falling into place.)
Recently, as many of you may have heard, Florida senators successfully passed a bill requiring welfare recipients to receive mandatory drug screenings. It is doubtful the legislation will stop there. In what seems to me to be an instance of VERY OBVIOUSLY blatant racial discrimination and discrimination of the haves towards the have-nots, they are now finding another way to invade all of our lives and rob us of more of our privacy. One gradual erosion of civil liberties at a time. The cruel and hilarious irony of the situation…
Florida Homeowners Association Vs. Jesus (Sign)
Via First Coast News:
Four years ago Sarah Phillips moved into her Sutton Lakes home and said she has never had a problem, until now. “We’ve had it out about a month. We haven’t had any complaints from the neighbors…, said Phillips.
Phillips has posted a Jesus sign in her yard and there was no reaction from anyone until she received a letter from the Sutton Lakes Homeowners Association telling her having it in her yard is a violation of the covenant. “It is basically telling us to remove the sign, under the bylaws,” she said. Phillips said she did sign the Covenant, Conditions and Restrictions, or CCR, but never agreed to allow the free exercise of her religion to be prohibited.
Two Florida Teens Arrested For ‘Sexting’
I still hate the word “sexting” … Jim Peppard writes for WTSP 10 News:
Brooksville, Florida — Two teenagers were arrested today for sexting a photo of a bare breast.
A 15 year old boy was taken into custody after he told a school resource officer he forwarded a cell phone picture he received last December of a young girl’s breast, the sheriff’s office said. He said another student at Hernando High School had threatened to do him harm, after learning of the photo.
The girl herself was also charged, after admitting she took a picture of herself in the mirror wearing underwear and exposing a breast, and sending it to the boy, according to the arrest affidavit.
Both were charged with transmission of pornography by electronic device, processed at the Hernando County Jail and released into the custody of their parents.
Florida Man Angers His Church By Asking Them to Pray for Soul of Osama Bin Laden (Video)
Brian Hamacher reports for NBC Miami:
The South Florida man whose prayer for Osama bin Laden caused a holy mess at mass this past Sunday is speaking out to defend the bizarre benediction.
Henry Borga paid $10 to put bin Laden’s name on the prayer list at Holy Name of Jesus Catholic Church in West Palm Beach over the weekend, according to WPTV. The name appeared with four others under the mass intentions section in the church’s pamphlet, with a cross next to bin Laden’s name.
While putting the name on the list has caused quite a hubbub, Borga, who said he also prayed for the victims of 9/11, said it was about mercy. “He was a very bad man but he deserved to be punished in life, not by losing his life,” Borga said. “He needs forgiveness and compassion from God.”
Florida Senate Accidentally Outlaws Sex?
Weird move, Florida. Via Southern Fried Science:
Question: If your elected officials fail basic taxonomy, promote anti-science curriculum, and consistently attempt to undermine the fundamental underpinning of all biology, what happens when they start trying to legislate from this flawed view of reality?
The answer is this poorly-worded miasma of a law recently passed in Florida, which presumably was designed to prevent bestiality and promote animal welfare, but which has actually made it illegal, effective October 1, 2011, for anyone to have sex in Florida:
An act relating to sexual activities involving animals; creating s. 828.126, F.S.; providing definitions; prohibiting knowing sexual conduct or sexual contact with an animal; prohibiting specified related activities; providing penalties; providing that the act does not apply to certain husbandry, conformation judging, and veterinary practices; providing an effective date.
Orlando Uses Sewage To Produce Electricity
Photo: wfmillar (CC)
Can poop be turned into power? The city of Orlando has been working with private-industry partners on turning sewage into electricity in an attempt to answer the age-old question: ‘What if you could take sewage and get rid of it cleanly and quickly, without dumping it in rivers or landfills — and generate pollution-free electricity at the same time?’ Orlando Sentinel reports:
Orlando officials think they’ve perfected a technology that has flummoxed scientists for decades — one they hope will be used worldwide to turn sewage into electricity and earn the city tens of millions of dollars in royalties.
If city officials and their private-industry partners are right, it could be the biggest thing in sewage treatment since the flush toilet.
“We call it poop to power in five minutes,” said project consultant Roy Pelletier.
While the five-year, $8.5 million project has drawn little attention locally, a small, experimental test plant off busy…
Florida Professor Arrested for Having a ‘Suspicious’ Bagel on a Plane
Got to watch those bagels … Todd Wright reports for NBC Miami:
A Florida professor was arrested and removed from a plane Monday after his fellow passengers alerted crew members they thought he had a suspicious package in the overhead compartment.
That “suspicious package” turned out to be keys, a bagel with cream cheese and a hat.
Ognjen Milatovic, 35, was flying from Boston to Washington D.C. on US Airways when he was escorted off the plane for disorderly conduct following the incident.
Monday’s incident is another example of other passengers essentially becoming the authority on terrorist activity on planes.
Recently, passenger complaints have resulted authorities taking action against innocent passengers who went to the bathroom too often on a flight and who were just being annoying.
Florida Police Obtain Warrant to Search ‘All Persons’ in Apartment Complex
WTF?!? These people got searched for living (or visiting someone who lived) in a certain area. Anthony Cormier writes in the Herald Tribune:
NEWTOWN — For months, Sarasota police officers watched drug dealers openly sell crack cocaine and marijuana from a vacant lot behind the Mediterranean Apartments in Newtown. Officers tried to arrest dealers, but suspects often fled and managed to disappear into the neighborhood.
The pressure to make arrests peaked in July 2009, when a man’s mutilated body was found in one of the apartment units. So that December, the agency tried something it had never done before. It sought permission from a judge to search anyone and everyone who parked or set foot in the apartment complex parking lot.
More than a dozen officers and the city’s SWAT team flooded the area. They had permission to detain and pat down anyone they saw in the area. During the two-hour raid, a…
Florida Truck Dealership Gives Out Free AK-47s With Vehicle Purchases
Ah, America, where machine guns are dispensed like party favors. Via Aol News:
A truck dealership in Florida is firing up sales with the promise of a rapid-fire machine gun.
Customers have been streaming into Nations Trucks in Sanford, near Orlando, purchasing two dozen vehicles since the sale campaign began on Veterans Day last week. Each new truck owner also walks out with a free AK-47. “We’ve tripled our business,” general sales manager Nick Ginetta told AOL News. “We knew it would be controversial, but it’s been a phenomenal response.”
An image of the semiautomatic rifle is taped to the showroom’s window to lure shoppers. Buyers receive a $400 voucher good for one Kalashnikov at Shoot Straight, a weapons dealer with several locations in the Sunshine State.
All prospective gun owners must meet state and federal gun-control laws, but Ginetta has still drawn fire from anti-gun activists and alarmed neighbors. “I’ve had calls from…
Florida Airport Opting Out: Rejecting the TSA in Favor of A Private Company
Ken Tyndall reports on WDBO Local News:
The backlash continues over those new TSA screening measures, and now one Central Florida airport has decided to go with a private security screening firm. Orlando Sanford International Airport has decided to opt out from TSA screening.
“All of our due diligence shows it’s the way to go,” said Larry Dale, the director of the Sanford Airport Authority. “You’re going to get better service at a better price and more accountability and better customer service.”
Dale says he will be sending a letter requesting to opt out from TSA screening, and instead the airport will choose one of the five approved private screening companies to take over.
Congressman John Mica, who’s expected to lead the powerful Transportation Committee next year, says the TSA is crying out for reform. “I think TSA is overstepping its bounds,” said Mica.
Dale says, if all goes as planned, the private security firm…
Florida’s ‘Rocket Docket’ Courts Help Banks Force Out Homeowners
The inimitable Matt Taibbi went down to Florida and found that retired judges are rushing through complex cases to speed foreclosures. Guess who the losers are (Hint: it’s not the banks)? From Rolling Stone:
The foreclosure lawyers down in Jacksonville had warned me, but I was skeptical. They told me the state of Florida had created a special super-high-speed housing court with a specific mandate to rubber-stamp the legally dicey foreclosures by corporate mortgage pushers like Deutsche Bank and JP Morgan Chase. This “rocket docket,” as it is called in town, is presided over by retired judges who seem to have no clue about the insanely complex financial instruments they are ruling on — securitized mortgages and labyrinthine derivative deals of a type that didn’t even exist when most of them were active members of the bench. Their stated mission isn’t to decide right and wrong, but to clear cases and…
Building Sandcastles Illegal On Florida Beaches
Put your plastic spade and bucket away if you’re heading to the beach in Florida. No digging means no sandcastle building. The Raw Story reports:
Ever go to the beach and not think of slapping together a sand castle? And who doesn’t enjoy the feeling of wet, warm sand between her toes?
According to federal authorities who recently intercepted an oil-hunting reporter on a Florida beach, those activities have been deemed “illegal.”
The officers’ legal revelation (which is not actually true) came as something of a surprise to Dan Thomas, reporter for WEAR ABC 3 in Pensacola, Florida, who was visiting the Gulf Islands National Seashore for a special report.
Continues at The Raw Story …
Quran Burning Story: This Is How The Media Embarrass Themselves
Jason Linkins writes on Huffington Post:
[Thursday] afternoon, the leader of a microscopic cult of idiots who announced plans to stage an “international” day of Quran burning in Gainesville, Florida held a press conference, for a rapt media which decided that his moronic plans were the single most important thing going on in America. At that press conference, in front of “9/11 Truther” signs, this cult leader lied to everyone who was watching, telling them that he was going to call off his 9/11 book burning festival because he had successfully reached a deal with the people behind the Park51 community center in Lower Manhattan, in which they would move their facility away from the site of the World Trade Center.
Not a word of this was true, but it was amazing, all the same — at one fell swoop, we had finally knit up the strands of a season of irrationality…
